


surely not what you thought it would be

by secretlyhuman



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, F/M, Marriage, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:29:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlyhuman/pseuds/secretlyhuman
Summary: Amy realised she loved him like watching an avalanche in slow motion, seeing each snowflake fall into place until they came cascading down over her, freezing her already cold heart completely.





	surely not what you thought it would be

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from speak now by Taylor swift which also inspired this whole mess. Comments make my day. Thanks so much for reading.

The pew of the church dug uncomfortably into her back and the hem of her dress scraped against the back of her knees. She hadn’t sat at the front, wasn’t even sure if she was meant to be there, crammed in at the back with Jake’s aunt Ruth and one of Gina’s three plus ones but she was there. Had promised him she would be there, like a good partner should be. 

The music started to play a heavy, traditional song and the door opened to reveal Sophia in her long white dress. It clung to her like a second skin and flared out at the bottom, sparkling subtly in the light. She held onto her father’s arm, perfectly relaxed and Amy couldn’t help to be jealous. Because there, at the front of the church, was Jake Peralta in his best suit. 

The grin was written across his face and he looked as happy as he ever had. Charles stood a little to his right, tears already forming in his eyes. For a second Jake’s eyes wandered across the room to survey his family. Amy wished they’d lingered on her, that things had turned out differently but she was happy for him she had to be. 

…

After she and Teddy had broken up Amy thought about Jake and Sophia. About how she could never really compete with Sophia’s smarts or looks or perfect hair. Jake had met his match and she realised, with some resignation, that it wasn’t her. 

…

When Jake arrested Hoytzman he and Sophia had broken up but three days later he’d come in smiling with her on his arm. She’d reconsidered and they were fine. Amy had just kept writing colour-coded notes in her planner and ignoring the fact she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She stayed at her desk until they left, long past the point of completing her work, hand clenched on her pen so tightly her knuckles turned white. When she was sure they’d gone she got up and cried in the bathroom then pulled herself together. 

The only way to get over it was to get over it. 

…

The Icecream Incident had happened two months later and she’d found him bleeding and tied up in the back of Hoyztman’s van. There was a thin sheen of sweat on his pale skin and bruises staining his face and arms. Rosa had stayed with him, pulling him out of his nightmare and Amy had punched Hoytzman so hard when he tried to run away that she felt her knuckles break. 

It was later that day, in her cold hospital room that Amy realised that she loved him. She realised like watching an avalanche in slow motion, seeing each snowflake fall into place until they came cascading down over her, freezing her already cold heart completely. 

She’d gone to see him once her hand was wrapped in plaster only to find Sophia guarding the door. 

“Sorry Amy, he’s tired, I don’t think he’s up for visitors.” Her voice was without edge but it still bit into Amy.

“I’m his partner. I came to make sure he’s okay.” She was tired and she hurt and she’d been so scared for him, it hadn’t yet sunk in that he was safe and she needed to see it for herself. 

“Come back tomorrow then. He needs to get some rest.” Amy felt like a child being scolded. Jake was building a life for himself that she wasn’t a part of. She needed to tell him how she felt but she could bring herself to do it. 

…

She'd went on three dates with Dave Majors but there was never a spark. (She knew why. Knew who she wanted.) Then one day Jake had come in grinning, he’d proposed and he was getting married. Amy felt it cut through her, almost saw the pieces of her heart crumble into ash. After that she’d gone on three more dates with Majors because it was almost better than being alone. 

…

As Sophia reached the front of the church Amy couldn’t pretend she was okay anymore. She stood up, hands shaking, and as quietly as she could exited through the grand doors. Fantasies of objecting flashed through her mind, telling Jake that she loved him in one grand gesture but she dismissed them. She could never be so cruel as to do that to him. 

…

Had Amy stayed she would not have seen the idyllic wedding that had been planned. The pastor was a weathered gentlemen and when he turned to Jake to ask if he took Sophia to be his wife it was like the world stopped spinning for a moment. His eyes scanned for Amy, looking for some kind of reassurance in his partner’s face but she hadn’t been there to see it. When he had eventually tried to speak all that came out was a muffled sound of alarm. 

He was the second person to run from the church that day. 

…

She’d been ignoring the banging on her door for a solid five minutes before the shouting started. Jake was outside in his well tailored suit, tie inevitably gone and for the first time in so many years she didn't want to see him. 

“Amy Santiago you didn’t come to my wedding.” She opened the door as soon as he finished his sentence and triumph flashed across his face. 

“You were going to disturb my neighbours. What do you want,Peralta?”

“I want to know why you didn’t come to my wedding Ames, we’re partners and it sucks that you didn't come.” He looked at her with big hurt eyes and for the first time in about a year she couldn’t lie to him anymore. 

“Sophia came out and she's just so stunning and I couldn't watch you marry someone else, I just, I couldn’t.” Silence fell for a second and he just stared at her. “Don’t say yes, run away now, Taylor Swift always right.” Her voice was soft and ear joke fell flat. Distantly she recognised that tears were falling onto her cheeks. 

“Oh. Ames-”

“Jake, I don't wanna-” Her sentence trailed off and she paused to collect herself. “ Go back to your wife.’ The tears were streaming down her face, blurring her vision so she could barely see his face. 

“Ames.”

“Jake. Don’t.” 

“She’s not my wife.” His voice was barely a whisper but they were the best words he’d ever heard. 

“Why, you love her?” She said it like a question, like all the that had passed since that night in the parking lot had lead to that moment. 

“It was just so much, I mean, she wanted a church wedding and I’m Jewish and then it got to the moment and I looked and you weren’t there and then I figured if it was right you’d be there. And then it hit me, if it was right you’d be the one in the white dress.” His voice was so quiet it barely broke the silence of her apartment and at some point he had started crying too. His eyes were fixed firmly away from her and all of a sudden she moved. 

Their first kiss was long and soft and slow. It was everything a kiss should be, Amy thought. The taste of salt caught on her tongue, remnants of tears that were swiftly drying up and she kissed him more deeply, hands bunching the fabric of his wedding suit.

…

They got married two years later in a registry office surrounded by the Nine Nine. He wore a flannel with a food stain on it and she wore a pantsuit and her best blouse. This time, when the moment came, Jake said “I do”without any hesitation.


End file.
